What is happening to my brother / sister?

When a child’s brother or sister has cancer, it’s natural for the sibling to feel confused, scared, or even left out. You may feel resentful because of all the attention for the sick child. 

It is important to know that these emotions are perfectly normal and maintain open and honest communication with your family. It is natural to have many questions, and it is always better for you to hear the truth rather than listening to rumours from outside. 

Depending on your age, maturity, and what you’ve observed, your parents will explain things in an honest, age-appropriate, and a reassuring way. For example, they might say ‘Your brother/sister has something called cancer. That means some of the cells in their body are not working the way they should. The doctors are giving medicine to help stop those bad cells from growing’. Another way this can be explained is by saying ‘Cancer happens when some cells grow too fast and crowd out the healthy ones. The doctors and nurses have special treatments to help stop that from happening. The doctors are doing everything they can to help them get better.'

You might find it hard to put your feelings into words right now, and that's completely okay. Sometimes when we feel scared or confused, those feelings come out in other ways — and that's normal.

You might be feeling like you don't want to worry your parents by sharing how you feel. You might feel strange about being healthy when your brother/sister is sick, or upset that life at home has changed. Whatever you are feeling, it is okay to feel it, and you don't have to keep it bottled up inside.

It also helps to know that you didn't cause this. Cancer is not like catching a cold — it doesn't spread from person to person, and absolutely nothing you said or did could have made this happen. It is not your fault.

The people who love you want to hear how you are feeling. You can talk to a parent, a teacher, or another trusted grown-up. You don't have to go through this alone.

Here are some tips of what you can do in this situation:

Try to keep doing the things you normally do — going to school, playing, and spending time with friends. This can help life feel a little more normal.

It's okay to ask questions, even about things that feel scary. There are no silly questions, and it's okay to ask the same question more than once.

You can be part of what's happening — drawing a picture, making a card, or visiting your brother/sister can be a lovely way to show you care.

Talk to the grown-ups around you. Even a short conversation matters, and they want to hear from you.

Find a way to let your feelings out — through drawing, playing, or talking to someone you trust.

There are some useful handbooks that you can easily access and understand a bit better this new situation. Below are some that we like:

1) American Cancer Society. (2022).  Explaining cancer to children of different ages.

2) St Jude Children’s Research Hospital. (n.d.). Siblings of childhood cancer.