Have I caused my sister/ brother the illness?

Whatever happened before your brother or sister got sick — arguments, playing, accidents, or even just a bad thought you had — none of that caused their cancer. You didn't make it happen, and there is nothing you could do to make it worse. Cancer happens because of changes inside the body's cells, for medical reasons that no one controls. It is nobody's fault — not yours, not your parents', not anyone's.

Sometimes it can feel like something you did or said caused it, especially if something happened around the time they got sick. That feeling is very understandable, but it is not true. If you are carrying that worry, please tell a grown-up you trust. It takes courage to share something like that.

The most important thing you can do right now is simply be there — as a brother or sister. Playing together, talking, reading, or just spending time with your sibling means a lot.

There are some things that might help you, when these thoughts come back to you:

None of this is your fault. Cancer happens because of changes in the body's cells — something no one causes or controls. Not you, not your parents, not anyone.

However you are feeling — scared, sad, angry, or guilty — those feelings are normal and make sense. You don't have to pretend everything is fine.

Find a way to let those feelings out. You could talk to someone, draw, write, or just play. Sharing how you feel is always okay and always safe.

It's okay to ask questions. If something is confusing or worrying you, ask a grown-up to explain it in a way that makes sense to you.

Small things matter a lot. Drawing a card, reading together, or just sitting with your sibling are all ways of showing love — and that means the world to them.

You are loved, and that hasn't changed. Your relationship with your sibling and your family is just as important as ever.

In case you would like to read more, we have prepared some materials that you might find useful:

1) Irish Cancer Society. (n.d.) Supporting brothers and sisters of child with cancer. A practical information guide. 

2) Journey of a Leukaemia Warrior. 2019. Remember the siblings: Advice to effectively communicate with your healthy children about cancer.