Sharing Parent Responsibilities and Leaning on Your Support System

Sharing parent responsibilities

When a child is on cancer treatment, the whole family system shifts. Usual roles don’t disappear, but they change. The diagnosis of your child will turn parenting into a team effort under pressure. No parent can do everything, and no role is small. Role perception is about how each parent sees their responsibility during the illness. Some parents may see their role as being the primary caregiver at hospital, being the emotional anchor for the child or siblings, being the provider and organising work, finances, transport, logistics, etc., or being the protector and advocate in medical settings. 

The key message is that different roles are not unequal roles. What matters is that roles are understood and valued and that roles might change over time. Shared responsibilities mean that during cancer treatment both parents take responsibility for the child’s wellbeing, even if they contribute in different ways. This includes making medical decisions together where possible, sharing information so one parent isn’t the “only expert”, supporting each other emotionally, taking turns when exhaustion sets in and adjusting roles as treatment phases change. 

Cancer treatment is long, exhausting and emotionally overwhelming. Parents may feel guilt, resentment, or helplessness, and may have a sense of failing if roles feel unbalanced.   Remember that imbalance at times is normal; however, communication matters more than perfection, and asking for help is part of responsible parenting. Roles should be talked about, not assumed.  Check in regularly with each other and ask what each one needs.  Revisit roles as treatment progresses. Be open when something feels too heavy and allow space for rest and emotional support. When parents recognise each other’s roles and share responsibilities in ways that fit their strengths, children feel safer, supported and less alone during treatment.

Dividing one’s time between the sick child and the siblings can challenge one’s parenting skills. Think of ways to make things more cheerful around the house for everybody.

Practical ways parents [caregivers] can cope 

- The sick child's siblings are also experiencing many feelings and emotions about the patient, the illness and the attention the sick child is receiving. It is quite normal for children to feel resentment and jealousy because they believe they are being neglected, even though they also feel sorry for the sick child. 

- Try to create an open and honest atmosphere in the family, since it will be more likely that the whole family will understand and share the burden of the new situation. 

- Be honest and explain things in a way that is appropriate for your children's different ages and levels of understanding. It is always better for your children to hear the truth from you.  Ask for the help of a social worker or a child life specialist if you are not sure how to explain the situation to your children. 

- Reassure your children that, whatever emotions and feelings they may experience, these reactions are normal. Give them your loving and understanding support. 

- Some children may bottle up their feelings because they do not want to burden their parents further. When this happens, the child will become withdrawn and difficult. Spend time alone with each child and encourage them to talk about their feelings. Really listen before reacting and always reassure them of your love. 

- Younger children may not be able to talk about their fears and feelings but may express them through different or difficult behaviour. For example, the child may become withdrawn or may begin bedwetting again. Be gentle, loving and give them reassurance and a little extra time to adjust to the new circumstances. 

- Include your children in the illness and its treatment in any way possible. Children who feel needed will rise to the challenge of sharing in the new situation. 

- Think of ways to make things more cheerful around the house for everybody. 

- Contact the teachers of your sick child's siblings and inform them that there is cancer in the family. This may help the teachers to understand any behavioural changes at school and to deal with them sensitively. Refer your child to a social worker or psychologist for professional intervention, if necessary.

- Nowadays it is easier to keep the family connected despite physical separation. Use technology and other means to ensure that you stay connected as a family.

Leaning on your support system

Most parents find it is best to tell close relatives and friends the truth about their child's illness. If you do not tell the truth, you will have to maintain a lie for many months. It might also hurt their feelings if you deny them the opportunity to help and support you. The support of your relatives and friends will be invaluable, and it will also be a relief to talk to them. Lean on relationships that are supportive. 

Practical ways parents [caregivers] can cope 

- This new journey will put strain on your marriage and/or partnership due to stress, fatigue, and emotions.  Work together as a couple and share the burden on a practical level but also emotionally. You need one another and your child needs both of you. 

- It is important that both parents fully understand all the implications of their child's disease and its treatment. Try to attend important discussions with the doctors together, if possible.

- Coordinating with extended family or friends for help and accepting offers of help with household tasks or the care of other children.

- Navigating insensitive comments or unsolicited advice takes skill and a tough skin.  Do not allow people in your space that are negative or who don’t understand the reality of childhood cancer. 

Balancing life as a parent of a sick child diagnosed with cancer

To balance the responsibility of your work and career with that of your sick child can be a major stressor. You may need to take unpaid leave at work when your regular leave is used up by long periods of hospitalisation.  Loss of income could have a negative effect on the family. Be honest about your situation to people who would like to help and accept help if it is offered. 

Practical ways parents [caregivers] can cope 

- Negotiating time off, flexible work hours or working from home with employers. 

- It is normal to have feelings of fear of losing your job. Speak to your employer and negotiate, if possible, time off to free you from the guilt, fear and/or the feeling  of “split in two” between work obligations and hospital life.

- You might have to change your life plans, re-evaluate your goals and dreams, deal with a loss of control and learn to cope with many unknowns. You don’t need to journey alone; speak to a psychologist, social worker or a parent who has been there.

Research papers

- Yan Liu, et.al. 2025. Financial toxicity in pediatric cancer: lived experiences and coping strategies of parents. BMC Health Services Research. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12699799/

- Sheila Judge Santcroce, et.al. 2025. Influence of pediatric cancer-related financial burden on parent distress and other stress-related symptoms. Pediatric Blood Cancer. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3 1762180/

- Carolyn R. Bates, et.al. 2023. Barriers and facilitators of family rules and routines during pediatric cancer treatment. Journal of Pediatric Nursing. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0882596323001264?utm_source

- Erin M Rodriquez, et.al. 2011. Cancer-Related Sources of Stress for Children With Cancer and Their Parents. Journal of Pediatric Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3282279/

- Sofia K. Hjelmstedt, et.al. 2021. A Balancing Act: Working  and Caring for a Child with Cancer. Journal of Child and Family Studies. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-021-01997-1